"it's fake. it is nothing but fake. those hope i used to have, are nothing but fantasy." this is probably the 'last' feel i had. now the light is supposed to shine through my eyes...... is fading slowly, as if it is telling me that i got no hope.
...................
that morning i wake up, the letter on the table at the living room is the begin....... of me getting into deep despair. the words in the letter was written in a familiar handwriting. it is actually her handwriting. the one who hurts my feeling the most yesterday night. she said, so much she had suffered, which it is nothing if compare to my misery, leaving me is her only choice to live a better life. with fear in my heart, i opened the door of her room....
as i had expected, her room is already empty. what's worse, she left me piles of unpaid bills. all the money i gave her through the whole year, was not used to pay these bills. while i'm still not emotionally stable, the bell rings.... someone's here...... the debt collector, asking for the former owner of this room. even though she's not here, they're still asking for money. though it shouldn't have anything to do with me anymore, but i had no choice, no choice but to give them all i got. and maybe i was 'lucky', to have enough to pay off the debt. but now i really had nothing left.
searching around in the kitchen, i only found an expired food. which i know i had no choice but to take it. i won't care whether it is poisoned or not, 'cause i'm in such a despair i just want to die.
so if it is poisoned, then let me die.
after hours passed, i'm still alive, but only to suffer hunger again. now i really had nothing left to eat. i must do something. i must do something to this hell-like day. "it is only today being so bad,
so tomorrow all will be fine, and i should at least do something to make sure tomorrow is fine." and i encourage myself a little. so i went out, walk on the street, looking on the ground, searching for 'treasure'. and i found a piece of paper, with some numbers and words written on it. it's a lottery. it is not outdated yet. its result is to be announce by tonight. "it is stupid to put my hope in this paper". but contrary to my thoughts, i kept the paper in my pocket instead. i found a few aluminum cans, a few coin, a small pile of newspaper, and i was able to sell them off for extra few more coins. thanks to that, i'm able to get myself the 2nd meal of the day. but it is already time where i don't know it is lunch or dinner that i'm having.
after eating a little, i realize it is already time for the lottery number to be announced. i stand in front of an electronic goods shop, watching the television for free, and wait for the result to be announced. the minutes until the announcement seems to take years. i waited without hoping, so that i will feel better if the luck is really not with me.
the price is finally announced, the consolation is not mine, the 3rd prize is not mine, the 2nd prize is not mine either. and i doubt my eyes when i saw the 1st prize has the same number as the lottery i picked up earlier. tears flow out from my eyes. maybe because i don't eat enough so i don't have the strength to shout or jump. but still, i do my best and rush out out the street, heading to the lottery shop.
then things went blank for a second, i couldn't feel anything, my sight went blank, my thoughts faded. it seems that i had passed out for a little. when i gain my consciousness and open my eyes, the late evening sky is what i seen. the sky looks so sad, probably enough to represents my feeling before i know i hit a jackpot, but no more sadness now, the lottery is in my hand, and i know tomorrow will be a better life for sure.
as i'm trying to move, i realize i couldn't. i barely able to hear anything except a lady's scream. i think the voice came from my left side. i turn to left, to see the lottery in my left hand, tainted by red liquid. it is blood..... it is my blood. i finally gain all my sense, and my brain starts to react to the pain all over my body. my brain signals me, and tells me that my whole body is injured badly. i couldn't think well. i had no idea what happened. i suddenly saw a man approached me. then followed by him, few of ten people surrounded me. then i get to know another thing, i'm actually lying on the street.
why am i lying on the street?
why i had blood around me?
why people surround me?
why i heard someone said, "call the ambulance!"
who is injured?
i am injured?
why am i injured?
i had lots of unsolvable questions, but soon i was able to know something, which it answers all of my questions...... which is i had an accident, but i don't know what knocks me down, as i see only people surrounding me, blocking everything from my sight. i wanted to question how i got into accident, but i couldn't make a voice at all. so i decided to give up. i think it is no longer important, i believe having able to won the lottery when i'm in the worst day of my life,
is definitely too good to be true. i don't know why, but i want someone to claim the prize, not for me, at least for themselves, at least i could die in peace. why doing this could make me die in peace? i had no idea. i couldn't think of why as well.
i use my last strength, to give my lottery to the man who was trying to give me first aid.
"claim the prize before it is too late."
"stop talking. don't worry, you will be fine."
the man tried to calm me, it seems like he didn't know i already gave up everything. but i left no more strength to tell him how i feel nor what i thought. so i close my eyes and stay in peace.
(article re-edit at 17th May 2011. 00:25am)
***ask for fun question:
- how do you think the narrator's life was before this?
- do you think the narrator's death is really in peace?
8 comments:
0_0 sounds like i am writting a school report..haha.. anyway...
- how do you think the narrator's life was before this?
i have a few version..
version 1..
he is contented with what he has.. but his partner is not.. he doesnt know where he did wrong and why does his partner leaves him. He lost his way, but found it back, only to give it away..
version 2..
He was constantly being cheated on by his partner but he doesnt know. When his partner finally leaves, he found out the terrible truth.. kesian dia.. but in de end mati also.. -__-
- do you think the narrator's death is really in peace?
my opinion.. yes.. he died in peace.. :) he accept the fact that he is going to die.. and wanted other ppl to share his sudden wealth.. but when no one did, he let it go, and embrace death..
btw, these are just my opinions.. :)
thx for the comment.
the purpose of asking for comment is so that i can know how much i'm about to express the story.
so for the 1st question. in my origin idea, version 2 is the corect one.
as for 2nd question. u got it right as well.
so conclusion, i am at least able to express the story with correct words.
Wow, it's a very tragic tale o__o
- how do you think the narrator's life was before this?
He could have been leading a rather normal life with a few ups and downs every now and then. He's not exactly rich since he didn't quite seem surprised at the presence of the debt collector. He probably had a girlfriend blinded him with "love" just for his money. He most likely believed her A LOT which is shown from how heartbroken he became after the break up till the point where he actually gave up in life o_o He has taken a rather heavy blow to find out that she doesn't really care about him, and she's self centered and so on. The narrator is probably someone who tries to view things optimistically but he can't. And he seems like the type of guy who'd accept what's thrown at him, debts, for example. A very considerate person in short. Easy-going, probably. No, a person who goes with the flow.
- do you think the narrator's death is really in peace?
it's difficult to say if he died in peace of not. he seemed rather unstable. one moment he was down the drain, not caring bout his life to the extent where he eats expired food without care. I believe that he still feels upset by the morning's incident even as he dies, thus explaining why he feels that everything's hopeless. But the feeling of hopelessness also comes from the fact that he failed to attain the reward from the lottery. It's rather mixed feelings that he's experiencing. Plus the fact that his wish is ignored. He dies misunderstood by others.
.... feel free to ignore that >__>
lol, ermm....
for the 2nd question, yes, it is kinda a mixture of emotions. but the last one he had is "now i could finally dies". so in a way could say he thought he's in peace. yes, 'thought' only
Okay since you want honest opinions whilst not being too honest, the best approach that I can give is to divide the opinions into two.
I'll start with the bad parts.
1.) The usage of "i" was incorrect, not because it was grammatical because of the usage in this sense. The persona is actually feeling lifeless, depressed and down. I represent the solemnness he's facing, whereas i is used when someone felt humble to the audience he directed it to. In that fact, the whole idea of the poem had turned into controversy.
2.) If the persona had broken the girl's heart from the the night before, why did the first verse approached as "I used to have a great life and tried my best to fulfill her, we had perfect lives". It's another controversy there.
3.) It's.. not really a poem right? It's just a story? It's very straight-forward so I was confused as to say if this is a real poem or just a narrator trying to tell the story of his life.
4.) How does the persona have the money if he doesn't work?
5.) It doesn't make sense if he's standing there patiently to wait for the results but he's not opting for anything. With a person patiently waiting for something, he himself has the glimpse of hope in the heart, wherever it is.
6.) At the end of his life, I definitely will not understand why did he care more for someone to claim the lottery than to finally realize what he had been missing in his life?
7.) Kinda draggy.
Good side :
1.) Overall quite interesting.
2.) Your best piece so far.
3.) You thought of some sides carefully whilst some not.
Okay, to the question :
1.) How do you think the narrator's life was before this?
- The persona had been living an unorganized life, seeing that he would push the responsibility on the others. I believe strongly that his girl who ran away is actually the girlfriend, which makes him a gullible person by a few trickery from the girl. What we do not know is if he had really treated her right, we can't blame fully on the girl because of just the bills, this is financial matter. Emotions wise, unknown. I believe that the money that the girl ran away with was to settle her life, because she doesn't want to end up with someone who was so unsettled, who doesn't even bother to think about a way to save himself a bow of rice. He had been depending on his girl a lot on life, except for money factor, he dwells for love and showers for money but what had he returned was a higher level of insecurity that made the girl leave. He did not think about what that had happened properly or what had went wrong, but he seek for the stupidest path, to die.
- Do you think the narrator's death is really in peace?
Ambiguous as to say that the persona doesn't seem like someone who has faith or cares about anything, didn't think it should be peaceful that suit the word, he doesn't bother much from the beginning anyway! :)
*strongly believe, error sorry :P
=.= ok, u're like forcing urself to write 'good side' of my story.
anyway, its not a 1 time end story so i didn't include many info. so i will start to reply each of the 'bad side'
1. i don't get your definition of 'I'.
2. it's the girl who ask for too much and break up with the guy.
3. yes it's a story.
4. the morning is the begin of his despair, but before that morning, he's already in bad luck. which mean, he lost his job.
5. he has hope, but at the same time he tell himself don't hope for too much in order to avoid disappointment.
6. because he's way too kind, and blaming his ex-gf is the first time he blame someone.
7. draggy like how? is it the same as naggy?
I'm serious with the good sides :)
What I see is that from the way you put it, the guy has very disorganized life, from evidence of his expired food :P I don't blame the girl for cheating his money to settle down her life
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