something done out of boredom - story 1: the lost of the sweet smile

"thanks for the meal~"
Minnie stopped eating and tried to leave her seat with some leftovers.
"eat them all, don't waste the food" dad scold her again.
"eew......"
as usual she hate those bitter vegetables and chillies,
so she often left them when dad is not coming back for dinner from work.
dad will scold her if he is around.

my dad is... kind of strict... though i hardly scold by him.
i don't know if he is really strict, but Minnie seems to always do the wrong thing and scold by him.
"why is daddy always scold me? is daddy hate me?"
Minnie often ask me this, i'm not sure why, so i just follow that mom said to her a lot.
"because u r naughty, so he scold u."
"then what should i do?"
"become a good girl then."
"how?"
that beats me, i don't know how to answer her.

after thinking awhile, i suggest her to follow what i do,
since what i hardly scold by dad, so perhaps my action won't make him angry,
or so i thought.

one day, when i was helping mom preparing for dinner
Minnie came by and said she want to do what i'm doing: helping mom.
without second thought, Minnie just grab up a knife and intend to chop the potatos,
then she slip her hand and slightly cut her hand.

then she cry out loud of course,
dad come into the kitchen first, followed by mom.
"are you alright? why are you in the kitchen? if you want to play then just play at somewhere else"
dad's tone is a bit strong.
Minnie cry even louder and run to mom.
in Minnie's eyes, dad is angry at her,
but from our view, it is obvious that dad is too worry bout her and lose himself a little.

there was a day,
the worst day for our family.
"isn't dad should be back by now?" i asked my mom
"i'm not sure, but i think he should be here any moment.

then there is a call from the hospital,
saying dad is involved in an accident,
and he is in a very serious status.
Minnie, mom and i rush to the hospital and wait outside the surgery room.
after a few hours, the doctor come out.
"please stay with him, tonight might be his final night"
doctor told that to my mom, and i overheard it.

"daddy! daddy"
Minnie is rush inside the room,
crying and clinging at dad.
dad open his eyes, looked at Minnie, then slowly open his mouth.
"what is the time now?"
i looked at the clock on the wall outside the room,
"around 11.50pm..."
"thank god... there're still.... 10 more minutes...."
it seems like he need a lot of energy to just to say those few words,
"Minnie..."
"daddy....."
"happy birthday.... sorry i broke your present"
"daddy, are you going to be alright?"
we all know he won't, but we don't want to hurt Minnie.
"yes, dad will be alright" i answered
then dad continue his words,
"Minnie... you are.... 1 year.... older already....... u r grown up now.... so don't left any food again...."
"i will, daddy"
"and.... don't talk with your mouth full........"
"en....."
"Ying.... take care of your little sister."
"yes, dad"
"honey.... sorry for not able to stay up for dinner often....."
mom is already crying out, i'm surprised that i'm not.
"it's ok"
"sorry..... for...."

dad closed his eyes and passed.
Minnie keep on asking why he closed his eyes,
we can't help but to lie that he is asleep.
"lets go outside, Minnie"
i hold on Minnie's hand and go out of the room.
mom is still inside and crying.

it is been days after that, the whole house is very quiet.
the lively Minnie stay in her room most of the time,
reading on her books aloud.
mom's face is pale, but she still push herself that she fell sick later.
Neighbours helped us out while mom is sick.

after 1 month, Minnie start to ask me where did dad go,
dad's longest trip to work is only 2 weeks, so Minnie is starting to feel not right.
so i lied again, and said that he had gone to heaven.
"when will he be back?"
i told Minnie that he won't because heaven is very very very far away.
"why is he going so far? is he still angry at me? i'm a good girl now, i read books, i finish all food, i didn't talk when eating. did i do something wrong again?"
"no Minnie, u didn't, but he have to go no matter what"
"why? i don't want that! i want daddy! why is he going away"
"can't you just accept it!!! he is not here anymore, he cannot be here anymore, understand!!"
i lose my temper, everyday is stressing after dad's death.
Minnie cried, and run to her own room.

it is already been a month,
the whole house lost the smiles,
and i'm really surprise that i didn't cry at all.
"cuz you're too sad so you can't cry anymore."
Yan said that to me when i told him and Yu Zhe about this.
"it will be better if you're able to cry, cuz u will feel better that way"
even so, my tears still won't come out.

years passed,
Minnie is already in primary school,
all these years after dad's death,
Minnie didn't smile at all.
the most sweet smiles in the house,
is now gone.


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author's note:"sorry for the bad english, and please leave comment of the storyline"

something done out of boredom - speech : Time to Rain

after watching supernatural, my another anime haven't done downloaded yet, so i plan to kill some time in here while waiting for it to be done downloaded.
here's the speech(i don't know if this is really consider as a speech):

"i like raining, i hate raining,
i like raining at the night,
i hate raining at the morning,
i like raining at the dawn,
i hate raining at evening,
i don't hate raining at the noon,
nor do i like it,
afternoon is hot,
so i prefer rain,
afternoon has class,
so i don't hope to rain,
and i decided,
afternoon is fine,
for it to rain or not.

at night i hope it to rain,
'cause i want to have a cold night sleep,
at dawn i hope it to rain,
'cause i am still sleeping,
i hate raining at morning,
'cause i am awaken already,
i hate raining at the evening,
'cause the sunlight will be gone quickly,
covered by the dark clouds,
making the night comes sooner,
make me feel the darkness had overpower the light......."

that will be the first speech i made(actually to be more precise is the first speech i publish in blog), will have more when i'm free and i had the mood for it(though it doesn't seems to be attractive).

continue to just now's "oh f***, i forgot!!!!"

great, i just receive a call and it seems like my spm result cannot be used, cuz it is a transcript not the true copy of certificate.

continue from just now's post,
i had forgot where i put my certificate,

worse,
i don't even sure i had get it or not.

great, one after another, then i guess tml something real serious should happen as my bad feeling havent gone yet.

so far my greatest case of "oh f***, i forgot it!!!!"

i would forgot to pay the bill,
i would forgot when my exam is,
i would forgot to bath,
i would forgot today's date,
i would forgot what i was planning to do,
i had forgot my parents' birthday,
i had forgot my eldest sister's birthday,
i never recall knowing my elder sister's birthday(means i don't even hav a rough idea when),
i had forgot to bring my key out when i locked my door, and it happened twice with 1 time i was half naked after bath,
i had forgot some promises i made,
sometimes i forgot what i have done few minutes ago.

yesterday i just had my worst 'forgot-something-important', i forgot bout ptptn's due date is 8th, which i only had a few days left to settle things up, so i ended up rushing everything along with doing revision for exam.(revision+exam+ptptn, i won't say they're the worst combination in the world but they're close to it.)

today, exam is over, i thought of finalizing all the documents needed for the ptptn and pass it up.
my last work is to print a few things, when i was trying to grab my stuffs(phone, key, wallet), i found that my wallet is gone. (yay~ after stressing in exam now stress for money)

i search for hours in my room, at the road i took to go home, all possible areas.
in the end i had finally found my wallet, which i had left it in the printing shop.
by the time i had found it, it is already going to be 5pm. which i won't make it for my ptptn documentation(since civil offices closed at around 5pm)

i left my wallet when i was trying to check all documents after done my payment, so i put my wallet aside and check the documents, then leave for home. the result is i forgot to take it back.

and today i break my record of 'forgot-something-important' with forgetting my wallet, and it is like it will continue to become worse and i will keep on breaking my record since yesterday.
so i hope there is some physicians or phychologist or whoever that can help me, to make me hav better memory.
my memory span is getting closer and closer to a goldfish's.

if my bad feeling is still around, then mayb tml i break my record again with something bigger(lets pray that i don't as it is possible to be something so bad that will hurt the others)