electricty breakdown in kampar 24th Apr 2010

i had experience a 3 hrs electricity breakdown through out the kampar town.

according to one of my friend and rumors overheard when neighbours were talking, the whole Kampar was affected, though some said 'old town' was fine. then i go update myself in the nearby Tesco, and a staff over there told me it's the whole Perak being affected but few cities/towns were chosen to be cut off from electricity completely in order to let others run. Kampar is one of the town being chose and the reason is because this town is one of the 'green environment friendly' town.

at first the electricity breakdown was told to last for 3-4 hrs, but in the end it was fortunate enough to last at the minimum: 3 hours. from the outer look, everyone is actually enjoying the breakdown because of the rare, but significant scene(i guess). at least me myself think that the moonlight was bright and beautiful, lighten up the whole pitch dark town.

overall, it was kinda shock to see such a serious breakdown, but the pitch dark scene is kinda cool and beautiful. so i won't say its such a bad thing (except my cell phone's battery was dead)

i lament

and i also want to bath in the cold rain again.

i bath under the rain today

it was..... GREAT!
cold and refreshing
and the scene which the water on the ground waves like the sea as the wind blows.
its like with the waters around, the wind is visible

some complains

when i was in my worst stressful moment,
i tend to scream for help,
and in the end,
i waited so long,
that in the end i ended up solving the problem on my own.

i forgot when was the last time i received salvation in my worst moment,
or perhaps that actually never happen at all.
the most i get are,
helping hands when i don't really need them.
and the escaping hand when i face serious problem.

now, i stand up again from where i fell,
search solution to stop the problem on my own,
and continue walking again.

what i hate most is,
i can't find anything to comfort myself,
other than something that's technically not alive

a new life

**....continued from 'the peaceful death'

i wake up without the help of alarm for the first time after a while. i step away from my bed, go to the washroom, and saw my messy hair, unshave beard from the mirror. it's a new life that i obtained. it's a new life i gained from 'that' man.
to prove that it is a new life, i must change. i'm no longer the past me, i'm no longer who i was, and i should not stay the way i did.

i quickly prepare myself, then walk out from my apartment and go to the nearest hair salon to get my hair cut. "welcome sir, how may i help you?" since i want to change, since i want to be different, since 'that' man said i'm longer the same as the common, so i believe it will be better if i really not act like one. so i decided to hold choose something that is special. "get me a hairstyle which no one has it in the neighborhood." maybe 'to stand out from the crowd' is what i want.

he seems troubled for a while, then he smiled and nodded. it took him almost an hour to get my hair cut and styling to be done, was what i asked really that hard to achieve? i used to take only 10 minutes in hair cutting in the past.
......
no, no more mentioning of the past.

"thank you, please visit us again."
probably no more next time. i believe i won't be staying at this city anymore. 'that' man said,
i won't age from now on. how true is his words, i'm not certain. but surviving from that fatal accident..... is definitely a miracle. Shaw said that.

Shaw, is the man who ignore my offer of taking the lottery, the man who tried his best to save me in my last moment, the man who take care of me even after i'm fully recovered, the man who i owed so much that i'm willing to give up my life for him.
.....
"hah..."
what a joke, i probably couldn't die anymore..... perhaps.

with the money in my pocket, the money gave by Shaw, i decided to use them to buy clothes which i don't had a chance before. clothes from boutique, not from stalls in the street market when there're sales. walking into the boutique, it makes me feel so uneasy of coming in. guess i really didn't get inside this kind of place so often in the past.
....
no more past.

i take a quick look on a few clothes, try them on, and bought it without thinking any further. but deep down in me, i still have my old habit, buying so many clothes at once, and also at such price. it hurts me. but i must get rid of this habit, i have to get rid of this habit, else, i couldn't change.
carrying 2 big bag of new clothes, i walk back home. while on the way, i keep thinking should i take a cab or not. but thanks to my old habit again, my old habit of 'great stinginess'. i didn't.
controlling my emotion after using so much money is meeting my limit. any more expenses may make me crazy. crazy? i wonder what i will do when i'm crazy.
....
ok, thinking like that is already crazy........ maybe no. that's just stupid

i opened my house's main door, put down the 2 bags, and notice that the floor is actually THAT dusty. this morning when i wake up, with my old clothes that its color was already faded to gray,
i really couldn't notice that the floor is THAT dusty. thanks to the 2 bags. the clean and white bags that has my new clothes inside, i realize how dirty my house had been. not just the floor,
my whole house looks like a house that is abandoned for 'ages'. well, i guess that's what will happen when i was hospitalized for almost 6 months. so i decided to put my clothes outside of the house, for some reason, outside is even cleaner than inside. i took my whole day cleaning, from the morning i'm back from hair cutting and buying clothes, until late evening. If you notice, i didn't mentioned i took my breakfast nor lunch. so i'm dead tired and hungry. after the long cleaning is finally complete, as i was just about to fall on the clean floor, i stop myself, and quickly go to bath, and that's probably the fastest bath i had ever did. it took 3 minutes. why am i in such hurry? because i'm very tired and i want to rest. but before that, i have to take my dinner,
which is perhaps the only meal i will take for today.

after the meal. it's already night time. though for the past me, it is still way too early....
....
no more past.
i'm tired, so i went to my bed. and take my probably-the-earliest-sleep-i-had-ever-took.